Feb, 21st… A peaceful way to pass
Nothing can prepare you for the abrupt feeling of loss when a loved one passes away, even when you know they will be leaving their bodies behind at any moment. Almost as if we can all live comfortably in a state of denial of the absolute as much as the child, that has learned truth about Santa, still refuses to give into the reality for as long as possible.
My neighbor passed away in the apartment next to mine last night in her favorite chair, wearing her favorite night gown with everything she needed around her at arms reach. A small oval framed black&white photo of her deceased husband, a calendar book of lunch dates and hair appointments and a cozy blue blanket wrapped around her like a cocoon. She sat in such silence, her face so calm like she was only sleeping and could at any moment wake up and wonder why I was staring at her. A peaceful state too hard to put into words like the quiet sun sinking into a calm sea. The feeling suffocated the room.
I really wanted to reach out to her grieving niece who had come over for their sunday lunch, only to find her aunts lifeless body. I wanted comfort her loss but, felt helpless. So, we stood there and talked, she cried and I rubbed her back while searching my brain for the right thing to say. What could I possibly say that would make her feel better? There is no feeling better, there is no way to fill the hole at this very moment. As the shock was still making its way back into our conversation, ” But wait! we were supposed to eat lunch!” Followed with ” She looks so peaceful, this is the way she would have wanted it”. I was feeling quite new to the skill of comforting the loved ones left behind. I found myself scrambling for the right response. The best thing I could think to say that this was much harder on her then it was for her Aunt and tried to remind her that energy never dies, that her Aunt is still here and not “gone” at all. But, I don’t know her beliefs in the “After Life” and I wouldn’t want to offend her belief system.
We all deal with the fear of death differently.
Mortality, a sticky piece of gum at the bottom of your shoe. You can pretend it is not there but every time you lift your foot, you cant help but feel it get stuck to the ground, it’s saying ,”Hey, I am still here”.
So, we die, we all die. Some feel before their time, some feel the time has come.
Here I am, sitting at my desk, eating animal cookies and drinking grapefruit juice while I visit thoughts of my own mortality and the life I have still pumping through my veins. I am alive. No one knows for how long but, at this very moment I am alive on planet earth, writing with my fingers while wearing this human body and calling myself Trisha. I try not to worry about when I my body will give way, I have not the time to waste on empty fear.
Life…..No matter how long, feels too short.
Reminding me that every morning is another beautiful treasure. A new day I wake into, a new chance to make a difference, a new day to share my love and a new way to love my life. You don’t find life in a journey, the journey is life. Which reminds me of one of my favorite quotes.
“The beauty of life is, while we cannot undo what is done,
we can see it, understand it, learn from it and change.
So that every new moment is spent not in regret, guilt, fear or anger,
But in wisdom, understanding and love.”
Wow, I got all spiritual on you… I guess death has its way of doing that.
I hope you have a beautiful sunday! And smile!!! You are alive 🙂