A Thirsty Silence
She was waiting for his response, for some validation. Yet, secretly aware that she created him just to hurt herself.
Still, waiting just the same.
Hoping it might turn out different this time.
Hoping her beauty or charm would be the catalyst for a new game. A new love. A new kind of hurt.
Like a mosquito attracted to electric shock, she followed his smile down the forbidden hallway.
He’s a smooth mood talker. A beautiful mirage flashing his gorgeous body around like a politician on a winning streak. Painting pictures for her gaze, trapping her in the paint.
Now there is only silence, leaving her to lust alone, feel dirty alone. Feel the weight of their sin alone.
But, it never happened, they were never there.
Just another dry patch of sand in the desert holding no water, no answers, no relief.
In the end it’s only silence, thirsty silence.
Making some organic gluten free Pumpkin and Apple Crumb Pies
Getting all domestic and shit 🙂
I was up late last night researching management companies and how to get an independent artist page up on iTunes/Ping and the best ways to promote an independent debut album etc. All the while it’s 2am, my kid is fast asleep, I’m eating this giant, delicious, gluten-free cupcake all by myself and my date for the night is my iPad….it was then I realized, two things. One, it’s apparent I live alone since I would never pig out on a cupcake at 2am if anyone was watching and two, I actually have an album that is getting mixed and in a short time I’m going to have a bonafide, debut full on rock album on the market! One that I am proud of and feeling really lucky to have almost finished. If you would have told me, one year ago, that I was going to do a fundraiser to get an album made with amazing musicians like Pete Thorn, Blair Sinta, Jon Button, Erik Eldenius, Mike Ruggirello, Bill Delia and Engineer/mixer like Bob Clearmountain…..I would have not believed you. But, with the support of really dear friends and fans I was able to get enough funding to get started on something I have wanted to do since I was a little girl. Of course this album is costing more than I expected or raised but that is how the cookie crumbles. There is no way I could have done it without Pete though! I am so lucky that he produced, played and co-wrote this thing with me. I couldn’t ask for more and feel completely honored that everyone involved wanted to make this album with me.
Now it’s time for me to make them proud to have done this with me. Also everyone that helped me fund this by pre-ordering the album, shirts, art etc. I want to make you guys proud to have been a part of making this album possible too! My next job is to get really, really good P.R and a real management team behind me to get this shit out there! As soon as its finished getting mixed by Clearmountain and mastered by Ross Nyberg, my goal is to release it and promote it in the best way possible. As we all know, it is hard to be a successful independent or any kind of artist these days. I am open to a label major or independent to take it to the next level and I hope something like that will come to fruition with some good promotion and management.
So, now it’s a whole new game for me…. I’ve got this product, now what 🙂
As promised, everyone who donated will be getting the album as soon as it’s finished and before it’s available on the market as well as all the rewards you chose. Please be patient with me as dive into the giant process of fulfilling everyone’s rewards at the same time releasing and promoting an album, oh yeah and playing the roll of a single momma in LA, and coming up with money to pay my bills, haha, I’ve been a busy lady. I really do want everyone that has been a part of making this happen to know how thankful I am! This really has been a dream come true. And to everyone else who is waiting on the album, it will be out as soon as I have a game winning promotion plan 🙂 Trust me, I can’t wait to launch this thing.
So, that’s it for my album update.. Stay tuned 🙂
P.S. If you are or know any amazing, music managers, P.R or any other media outlet that could be helpful to make this a success… please feel free to let me know!
Thanks for your love and support! xo Trisha
Check it out on iTunes
There are certain places on earth that are just like a dream… this is one of them. It reminds me of being a little girl about 5 dreaming of the Candy Land game, the fantasy where I would shrink and fly through the porthole into a real life version of candy heaven. Swimming pools of jelly beans, dresses made of licorice and chocolate covered strawberries the size of houses. I am all grown up now (kind of) and my idea of a good time has changed.. these are photos I took of a place I wouldn’t mind playing in all day, all the time…
Well, last night was fun… I managed to pull the gig off even though the fuse in the amp blew minutes before my set started. Of course there weren’t any spares so..out of luck there, lesson learned! I had to run my guitars through the PA and take what I could get. At first I got a little nervous thinking “oh my god, what the hell kind of noise am I going to subject all these people to!” then I figured I would just have to improv a bit and make the best lemon aid I can. As I said before in another blog, I am learning how to flush out the bugs as I go, paying my dues… that way later on I will not make the same mistakes when the stakes are higher. But, no matter what ~ shit happens~ it’s how you deal with it that counts. The show must go on, people don’t pay good money to watch you fuss. There were times in my set where I could hardly stand the noise I was making but, I could see everyone smiling and dancing so, I just shut my brain off and sang my ass off.
Bill of course like always rocked it out, beating away like a heart beat running through our set keeping everything in line. I love him!
I feel kind of weird now, like hmm it’s all over… now what. Need to set up another gig. I thought I wouldn’t play today because I exhausted my self yesterday but I am already craving the guitar … I guess I will go practice some more.
Thanks so much to everyone who came out for the gig, it means a lot to me. Making and sharing my music is one of the most important things in life so, it feels amazing to have support and love when I’m up there feeling naked and raw giving every ounce I’ve got, so yes… thank you!
I took this photo last full moon and wanted to share it. Every time the moon is full, for some reason it screams at me… wake up… you are in a giant universe, spinning around at speeds up to 1,038 mph (at the equator ) while moving around the sun at 67,ooo mph. And they say time flies… and then to top that off we are also moving around with the sun in the centre of our galaxy which is also drifting through intergalactic space… My conclusion, driving fast… is only natural, right?
Are there dangers in being ‘spiritual but not religious’?
What???????? Talk about a loaded headline, fear tactic anyone? Oh and CNN is offering a free pass to judge those who do not share your religion today, incase you needed that.
So, it is dangerous not to have religion? As if organized religion is “safe”? Well, that is true! It is dangerous …..
Dangerous to the pockets of the all powerful super businesses called ‘Organized Religion’. You know, the super powers that controls the state of all of our nations.
So, yes, an increasing number of SOULS wondering around the planet NOT attached to a money making corporation that directly feeds the system in which we are in slaved to, is terribly dangerous and could cause a landslide of financial problems for the already money stressed churches, the super powers at be.
You can easily control a mass of individual people in three major ways, Religion, Poverty and Fear. If you can find a way to wrap those into a nice little package well then… enjoy your harvest.
The harvest of souls.
If you ask me ‘Hell on earth’ is raping the people of the freedom of spirituality and replacing it with a brainwashing fear strong religious slavery.
A lot of work goes into keeping the people in need of their religion, a lot.
Remember that you would be a bad person without church, don’t you forget it! And not just any church, ‘this church, this god’… don’t spend your money somewhere else or you will be buying a lemon and go to hell! And whatever you do don’t let other religions take what is yours or have control. Fear, fear, fear. Wait! Also remember, it is not just those of another faith or another god to be afraid of , it is also the ‘ spiritual but not religious’ folk. Those without religion undermine our power!
If you were wondering ….Yes, I fall into ‘Spiritual but not religious’ category, not because it is trendy or because I am lazy , it is because I am taking responsibility for my spirituality, my actions and my thoughts.
I was raised in the church (my father was a paster) I was emersed into organized religion at birth. A conflicted ‘believer’ up until I was able to break free and be born again into spirituality not a religion. I saw the good, I saw the very, very bad. It took a lot of work and meditation to find my peace. At first, it was hard to let go of the fear that was drilled into me, I identified with it. We all have a need to fill the hole left by the absence of spirituality. Especially when we experience terrible upbringings and harsh or painful life situations. Like many or shall I say most humans, my childhood was less then ideal, a painful way to start this journey. The healing process was hard and ongoing.
On a lighter note, my pain has connected me with all souls, we all experience pain and in that connection, I see we are all equal. I am reminded that I am above no one and beneath no one.
Please don’t get me wrong, if your personal spirituality is connected to your choice of religion and your choice of god, I have absolutely no negative thoughts on that. To each his own. Just don’t use your religion as an excuse to be a bad person.
What I am trying to say is that, I think it is so, so sad that we humans and our wonderful complexed minds have taken something so beautiful, so real, so amazing like spirituality and attached our selves with the complete opposite. We have turned our spirituality into ego. We all struggle with the ego and most of the time it is winning because we constantly identify with the ego and mistake its needs with our souls. As soon as you think you have no ego, it is the ego that is driving the car. The moment you judge another (including yourself) you are your ego.
I truly believe that the soul is beautiful and perfect just like the universe, like god. We are all equal here at the soul level, in the creation zone, we are all one. Your choice of religion or spirituality should be a personal, beautiful attachment to the collective being. A connection to the light, to positive energy that effects you and all things that come in contact with you. A soul doesn’t need religion to do the right thing, you need only to love.
To be love.
When you act in pure love, you are like god. And there is nothing more spiritual than that. You have a choice, Fear or love.
Okay now for the rest of the CNN article below
Are there dangers in being ‘spiritual but not religious’?
(CNN) — “I’m spiritual but not religious.” It’s a trendy phrase people often use to describe their belief that they don’t need organized religion to live a life of faith.
There is a place, I frequent.. Sometimes alone, sometimes with my son. This trip was a mommy & son journey into nature, to learn about energy, the art of silence and the unique ability to observe something pure and full of life as it happens. Watching my boy discover the joy of simply being… is a beautiful gift, it also reminds me about what truly is important, a journey called love… so won’t you join me! Here are some photos I adore.. It is also fun to be using me new little camera… I have become quite the documenter, lol.
Photos from yesterday…. I decided to go on a couple walks and a quick sunset surf session to meditate on the present moment and allow nature to help me solve some problems… these are some of the beautiful moments I experienced. As for the answer to my problem….I just keep coming up with one word, LOVE. Sure it wont pay my bills but it sure as hell fills the world with light…… and fills my soul with joy, so in turn… love will keep me peaceful and in the quietness of peace, I find the calm. And in this calm, the answers will come.
Finding the inner calm to create an outer peace. This week I have been relearning the process of staying calm when under extreme stress and pressure. You see staying calm is all too easy when there isn’t anything trying to get under your skin. So…. I practice, I practice and practice again. Patience is something you have to work on all the time, compassion (although hard at times) brings inner happiness and excepting that things are as you see them and your perception is always your choice, creates the platform to find the calm….These things I practice …. I practice because they make me feel peaceful.
I pulled off the road the other day on my way to Camarillo to make the most of a drive and was blessed with an amazing moment. A vibrant sunset, a beautiful lively sea, dancing flowers and soaring birds. A moment in time perfectly composed. A perfect and beautiful moment in all the chaos… I will remember it for the rest of my time.
Sometimes if you look too close, you’ll loose sight of what you were looking at and you may find something else instead.
I have been doing quite a bit of soul searching about some interesting feelings I have been having. So begins the problem solving, evaluating circumstance, searching for patterns and planning my next step… Looking deep inside my mind to find a better way to attack self destructive behavior before I jump to conclusions….But all the signs are pointing me into different directions….. Maybe the brain surgery I am conducting on myself is distorting the overall picture. It seems the deeper I go, the less I see the matter at hand. Instead I see only chaos, a beautiful chaos of bubbles moving into different directions yet still contained in one space. A glass ball of chaos… The questions at hand, are still unanswered, however I feel strangely comfortable with that. I can’t forget that to my core I am deeply attracted to the mystery of the unexpected… Spontaneity! The spice of life.
The text of this blog are just my unfiltered thoughts, while I look at the photos I took at the burgundy room… Take a little ride inside my mind.
A secret peek into the way my thoughts splatter across my skull as I try to line things up and make sense of it all…
And the thoughts they evoke……………………………………………………………………………………….. Music, driving rhythm, Poison, hot bar, cold glass, money, dirty hot money, smoking, cancer, addiction, sex, skin, warm red skin, cold metal, a trip, a trip to another place, alone, watching things fall, wet streets, glossy pavement, windshield wipers, I love the sound of windshield wipers, rain falling all around me, life falling all around me, loud streets, quiet soul……..fire, burning bridges, burning friends, desire, passion, hot hot passion, kissing, lips, sucking Tongues, dancing in a cave, ritual, tattoos, ink, pain, drive, black ink, skin, being exposed, feeling pressure, constraint, release, giving in, letting go, filling up, eyes, wet eyes, heavy eyes, sleepy eyes, wondering eyes, alone inside, again…….. drinking, pain addiction, drowning of sorrow, lonely, wasting time, I hate wasting time, traveling, I want to be somewhere else just for a while, wouldn’t mind being someone else. i could be a man, do man things, have control, drive it in, grabbing, pulling, talking, commanding, authority, strong, vibrant, in control, passionately throbbing, holding, to devour, but I love being a woman, a lover, a sinner, dirty thoughts, giving into fantasy, feeling loved, feeling touched, grabbed, devoured, I want to be devoured. Long nights, red lights, long kisses, hot fights, give my heart away, watch it fly, freedom, sticky freedom, trapped inside my head, want to be exposed, voyeurism, watch me, spy on me, worship me in secret, make you hot, make you scream, adrenaline, speed, spinning around, sprinting down the path, like an animal, I am an animal, want to be free like a wild animal, want to fly, soar over the skies, watch you while you think you are alone, I know creepy right…..I am a creep, I paint red, destruction, create chaos, beautiful chaos, sin, lies, sweet words, sweet lies, intuition, I hope you know that I know already, I knew from the start, I will let you think that I don’t know, I feel everything like a curse, I always know inside, a gift but a curse, sweet taste, citrus, cold ice, cold heart, strong heart, closed gates, locked windows, you will never know, you can’t except me, pain, heavy eyes, heavy womb, regret, loss, survival, guilt, another day to go, lucky, still feel lucky, so fortunate in the ways that count, wondering, wanting, wishing, whispering, screaming, breathing, breathing fast and hard, can you hear me with out a sound, can you see me without your eyes, can you feel me without a touch, do I exist, are you sure, a free bird, loaded soul, music, I feel it in my bones, chasing away my fears, it’s not easy to stay here, devotion, love, I love, I protect, I see you, I feel the stranger on the street, I am the stranger on the street, don’t let the quiet in, shhhhhh, dance, thriving, move, watch me dance, can I tempt you, pulsation, sex, passionate sex, can you feel me, are you here with me, are you really here with me, don’t leave me, stay with me, will you hold my heart at the same time, empty, can feel so empty, alone in a crowd, alone in the bed, a ghost, I am a ghost, I have been a ghost for a long time. let the sea devour me, flow through me, control me, beat me, drown me, love me, hold me in the depths, the dark depths, secrets, secret desire, adrenaline, take me, take all of me or nothing at all, devour me or don’t try to take a taste, take it all, take me down, show me your secrets, let me feel your desire, let me be your poison, I will feed your tummy, I will feed your soul, I will feed your secret desires, take me in, love your poison, it knows you, the wind blows, the sun strikes, the piano sings, the guitar weeps, my music is my soul, my soul is music, it is the only thing that keeps it real. in a world of fake, i just want real… i want to be real, I want to be heard…. can you feel me, do you see me, I am right here… a ghost in your world.
okay enough… must go do something else
So there you have it a few moments of my unfiltered thoughts.. A window inside my skull…have a beautiful day!
Remember to spend quality time with those you love. And love to the full extent of your heart at all times. What else is the point of living?? Life is too short to waste worrying about the wrong things. Go out into your world and spread love… it makes a difference….We are all connected.
Ever wonder what happens if you accidentally leave a glass pan on a stove and then turn on the wrong burner? I know now! While making dinner, cleaning up and helping my son with homework I spaced out and made a mistake that could have destroyed my face . I feel like I have just become the luckiest woman on earth (At least in the “I still have my face” department). Instead of heating the water for his mac and cheese I turned on the back burner and began to cook the glass pan. Apparently direct heat and glass do not get along! I turned around to help Riley with his homework and just as I took two steps away it exploded. The big blue glass pan burst into the air sending burning hot shards of glass shrapnel like an exploding bomb. With a thunderous pop, glass pelted my back as I moved away. I know this all sounds so dramatic, but it truly was.
I have never seen anything like it. I am so happy that Riley asked for help on his math question! Nothing like a photo op though, lol
In psychoanalysis and other forms of depth psychology, the psyche refers to the forces in an individual that influence thought, behavior, and personality.
The word is borrowed from ancient Greek, and refers to the concept of the self, encompassing the modern ideas of soul, self and mind.
The Greeks believed that the soul or “psyche” was responsible for behaviour. A psyche in mythology means a butterfly
This was the backdrop and symphony to one of my paintings that hangs in my house today.
I feel that one the thing which holds me back the most in life, happens to be the chains of my unconscious mind. The bars I wrap around my own mind and ideas prevent my growth. The chains I use to keep pain out also prevent my freedom. Fear of the unknown can keep you in a scary place….. locked up in an unconscious mind… and fear is… your worst enemy!
I look at this painting every day and try to remind myself that I alone am responsible for refusing to act out of fear and instead embrace whatever may come, good or bad… it is an ongoing process
It is good to take a moment to check in on yourself and get below the surface… take a trip with your unconscious mind to be sure that You are aware of your patterns. Be sure that your primal urges and instincts are healthy. For me personally I like to make sure that I am acting as a survivor not a victim and be sure that Iam protecting my inner child, not letting her run the show 🙂 Okay enough jibberish, here is the painting… Click on the picture to enlarge painting
Painting by Trisha Lurie
Just in case you are curious! lol
Sigmond Freud, the creator of psychoanalysis, believed that the psyche was composed of 3 components
- The id, which represents the instinctual drives of an individual and remains largely unconscious.
- The ego, which is conscious and serves to integrate the drives of the id with the prohibitions of the super-ego. Freud believed this conflict to be at the heart of neurosis.
- The super-ego, which represents a person’s conscience and their internalization of societal norms and morality.
Carl Jung was an influential thinker and the founder of analytical psychology. (also known as Jungian psychology).
“I have been compelled, in my investigations into the structure of the unconscious, to make a conceptual distinction between soul and psyche. By psyche, I understand the totality of all psychic processes, conscious as well as unconscious. By soul, on the other hand, I understand a clearly demarcated functional complex that can best be described as a “personality”. Carl Jung
i went to the sea in hopes to see.. some type of a tsunami..
i waited and waited but nothing arose.. ‘cept this silly unexpected prose..
i sat by the ocean, i stared at the sea.. as the sky fell down all beside me..
~ The Woods
Photos by Trisha Lurie
This morning on a quest for good waves, I found myself wondering around the streets and allies of Venice Beach. Armed with an ipod and a pocket camera I began shooting away…
A simple act of kindness goes a long way.
The deed: Putting someone’s laundry in the dryer and then putting your own quarters in, turning it on and walking away. Sure, I had alterer motives, like the fact that I had an early call time to be on set and part of my wardrobe had to be washed plus I wanted to get at least a little sleep. So, I dried my neighbors laundry and I put my stuff in the washer. It was super late and it didn’t look like anyone had any loads to wash after midnight so, I planned on waking up early and throwing them in the dryer during my morning rush.
The deed returned: (Complete without alterer motives)
When I went down stairs yesterday morning to throw my stuff f in the dryer… they were already dry and not only that, my neighbor threw a fabric softener sheet in the mix. I actually was a bit shocked! ” No one does nice things like that!” or at least very rarely around L.A. The whole situation made me think about us L.A. people.
We, in general, are a bunch of self saturated, can’t be bothered , sorry if you wanted to merge, but I am busy going straight forward and can’t risk you being in front of me, type of people. Rush, rush rush, mine, mine, mine… move, move, move faster or me and my ambition will run you over. It’s not my fault your lost, I’m sorry old lady but I got here first and I would totally open the door for you since you are carrying groceries, a baby and a pushing a stroller but I am on the phone with my agent and I might actually get this role! I am sure you understand, after all it is the roll of a lifetime.
We forget that this very moment IS the roll of a lifetime! Our biggest roll ever to be played is that of our own life. We are the writer, director, actor, producer, craft services, wardrobe… all of it. We are responsible for how well we act and how we react with others. Sure we can’t control the weather or the traffic or why it is so hard to find parking everywhere you go and that there are secret service trained meter maids on a mad hunt to break your bank but we can control the way we react to each situation presented to us. We have the unique opportunity at every moment to create the next scene. The one where you take the high road, do a good deed or smile at a stranger. After all we can’t forget the fact that little things can make big difference! Something as simple as drying your neighbors laundry. I know what you’re thinking …. how “pay it forward” of me, but what the hell, open a door for someone today, maybe it will invoke other random acts of kindness… maybe you wont even honk at the old man trying to park at the drug store so he can buy his medication. Who knows, maybe you might even like being nice…
On that note, have a beautiful day!
Nothing can prepare you for the abrupt feeling of loss when a loved one passes away, even when you know they will be leaving their bodies behind at any moment. Almost as if we can all live comfortably in a state of denial of the absolute as much as the child, that has learned truth about Santa, still refuses to give into the reality for as long as possible.
My neighbor passed away in the apartment next to mine last night in her favorite chair, wearing her favorite night gown with everything she needed around her at arms reach. A small oval framed black&white photo of her deceased husband, a calendar book of lunch dates and hair appointments and a cozy blue blanket wrapped around her like a cocoon. She sat in such silence, her face so calm like she was only sleeping and could at any moment wake up and wonder why I was staring at her. A peaceful state too hard to put into words like the quiet sun sinking into a calm sea. The feeling suffocated the room.
I really wanted to reach out to her grieving niece who had come over for their sunday lunch, only to find her aunts lifeless body. I wanted comfort her loss but, felt helpless. So, we stood there and talked, she cried and I rubbed her back while searching my brain for the right thing to say. What could I possibly say that would make her feel better? There is no feeling better, there is no way to fill the hole at this very moment. As the shock was still making its way back into our conversation, ” But wait! we were supposed to eat lunch!” Followed with ” She looks so peaceful, this is the way she would have wanted it”. I was feeling quite new to the skill of comforting the loved ones left behind. I found myself scrambling for the right response. The best thing I could think to say that this was much harder on her then it was for her Aunt and tried to remind her that energy never dies, that her Aunt is still here and not “gone” at all. But, I don’t know her beliefs in the “After Life” and I wouldn’t want to offend her belief system.
We all deal with the fear of death differently.
Mortality, a sticky piece of gum at the bottom of your shoe. You can pretend it is not there but every time you lift your foot, you cant help but feel it get stuck to the ground, it’s saying ,”Hey, I am still here”.
So, we die, we all die. Some feel before their time, some feel the time has come.
Here I am, sitting at my desk, eating animal cookies and drinking grapefruit juice while I visit thoughts of my own mortality and the life I have still pumping through my veins. I am alive. No one knows for how long but, at this very moment I am alive on planet earth, writing with my fingers while wearing this human body and calling myself Trisha. I try not to worry about when I my body will give way, I have not the time to waste on empty fear.
Life…..No matter how long, feels too short.
Reminding me that every morning is another beautiful treasure. A new day I wake into, a new chance to make a difference, a new day to share my love and a new way to love my life. You don’t find life in a journey, the journey is life. Which reminds me of one of my favorite quotes.
“The beauty of life is, while we cannot undo what is done,
we can see it, understand it, learn from it and change.
So that every new moment is spent not in regret, guilt, fear or anger,
But in wisdom, understanding and love.”
Wow, I got all spiritual on you… I guess death has its way of doing that.
I hope you have a beautiful sunday! And smile!!! You are alive 🙂