A Thirsty Silence
She was waiting for his response, for some validation. Yet, secretly aware that she created him just to hurt herself.
Still, waiting just the same.
Hoping it might turn out different this time.
Hoping her beauty or charm would be the catalyst for a new game. A new love. A new kind of hurt.
Like a mosquito attracted to electric shock, she followed his smile down the forbidden hallway.
He’s a smooth mood talker. A beautiful mirage flashing his gorgeous body around like a politician on a winning streak. Painting pictures for her gaze, trapping her in the paint.
Now there is only silence, leaving her to lust alone, feel dirty alone. Feel the weight of their sin alone.
But, it never happened, they were never there.
Just another dry patch of sand in the desert holding no water, no answers, no relief.
In the end it’s only silence, thirsty silence.
I was up late last night researching management companies and how to get an independent artist page up on iTunes/Ping and the best ways to promote an independent debut album etc. All the while it’s 2am, my kid is fast asleep, I’m eating this giant, delicious, gluten-free cupcake all by myself and my date for the night is my iPad….it was then I realized, two things. One, it’s apparent I live alone since I would never pig out on a cupcake at 2am if anyone was watching and two, I actually have an album that is getting mixed and in a short time I’m going to have a bonafide, debut full on rock album on the market! One that I am proud of and feeling really lucky to have almost finished. If you would have told me, one year ago, that I was going to do a fundraiser to get an album made with amazing musicians like Pete Thorn, Blair Sinta, Jon Button, Erik Eldenius, Mike Ruggirello, Bill Delia and Engineer/mixer like Bob Clearmountain…..I would have not believed you. But, with the support of really dear friends and fans I was able to get enough funding to get started on something I have wanted to do since I was a little girl. Of course this album is costing more than I expected or raised but that is how the cookie crumbles. There is no way I could have done it without Pete though! I am so lucky that he produced, played and co-wrote this thing with me. I couldn’t ask for more and feel completely honored that everyone involved wanted to make this album with me.
Now it’s time for me to make them proud to have done this with me. Also everyone that helped me fund this by pre-ordering the album, shirts, art etc. I want to make you guys proud to have been a part of making this album possible too! My next job is to get really, really good P.R and a real management team behind me to get this shit out there! As soon as its finished getting mixed by Clearmountain and mastered by Ross Nyberg, my goal is to release it and promote it in the best way possible. As we all know, it is hard to be a successful independent or any kind of artist these days. I am open to a label major or independent to take it to the next level and I hope something like that will come to fruition with some good promotion and management.
So, now it’s a whole new game for me…. I’ve got this product, now what 🙂
As promised, everyone who donated will be getting the album as soon as it’s finished and before it’s available on the market as well as all the rewards you chose. Please be patient with me as dive into the giant process of fulfilling everyone’s rewards at the same time releasing and promoting an album, oh yeah and playing the roll of a single momma in LA, and coming up with money to pay my bills, haha, I’ve been a busy lady. I really do want everyone that has been a part of making this happen to know how thankful I am! This really has been a dream come true. And to everyone else who is waiting on the album, it will be out as soon as I have a game winning promotion plan 🙂 Trust me, I can’t wait to launch this thing.
So, that’s it for my album update.. Stay tuned 🙂
P.S. If you are or know any amazing, music managers, P.R or any other media outlet that could be helpful to make this a success… please feel free to let me know!
Thanks for your love and support! xo Trisha
Check it out on iTunes
Click the Link to go to store 🙂 http://www.cdbaby.com/widgets/store/store.aspx?id=%2bHTswvuDSH6bKhoqcg7eqA%3d%3d&type=ByArtist&c1=0x000000&c2=0xE0E0E0&c3=0xCCCCCC&c4=0x666666&c5=0x333333&c6=0xFFFFFF&c7=0xFFFFFF
“If I Only Knew” by Trisha Lurie was Produced by Pete Thorn, Vocals: Trisha Lurie, Bass: Jon Button, Piano: Will Hollis, Percussion: Bill Delia and Guitars: Pete Thorn. Mixed by Bob Clearmountain.
Photo By Simon Thorpe
The making of the song 🙂
Well, last night was fun… I managed to pull the gig off even though the fuse in the amp blew minutes before my set started. Of course there weren’t any spares so..out of luck there, lesson learned! I had to run my guitars through the PA and take what I could get. At first I got a little nervous thinking “oh my god, what the hell kind of noise am I going to subject all these people to!” then I figured I would just have to improv a bit and make the best lemon aid I can. As I said before in another blog, I am learning how to flush out the bugs as I go, paying my dues… that way later on I will not make the same mistakes when the stakes are higher. But, no matter what ~ shit happens~ it’s how you deal with it that counts. The show must go on, people don’t pay good money to watch you fuss. There were times in my set where I could hardly stand the noise I was making but, I could see everyone smiling and dancing so, I just shut my brain off and sang my ass off.
Bill of course like always rocked it out, beating away like a heart beat running through our set keeping everything in line. I love him!
I feel kind of weird now, like hmm it’s all over… now what. Need to set up another gig. I thought I wouldn’t play today because I exhausted my self yesterday but I am already craving the guitar … I guess I will go practice some more.
Thanks so much to everyone who came out for the gig, it means a lot to me. Making and sharing my music is one of the most important things in life so, it feels amazing to have support and love when I’m up there feeling naked and raw giving every ounce I’ve got, so yes… thank you!
Are there dangers in being ‘spiritual but not religious’?
What???????? Talk about a loaded headline, fear tactic anyone? Oh and CNN is offering a free pass to judge those who do not share your religion today, incase you needed that.
So, it is dangerous not to have religion? As if organized religion is “safe”? Well, that is true! It is dangerous …..
Dangerous to the pockets of the all powerful super businesses called ‘Organized Religion’. You know, the super powers that controls the state of all of our nations.
So, yes, an increasing number of SOULS wondering around the planet NOT attached to a money making corporation that directly feeds the system in which we are in slaved to, is terribly dangerous and could cause a landslide of financial problems for the already money stressed churches, the super powers at be.
You can easily control a mass of individual people in three major ways, Religion, Poverty and Fear. If you can find a way to wrap those into a nice little package well then… enjoy your harvest.
The harvest of souls.
If you ask me ‘Hell on earth’ is raping the people of the freedom of spirituality and replacing it with a brainwashing fear strong religious slavery.
A lot of work goes into keeping the people in need of their religion, a lot.
Remember that you would be a bad person without church, don’t you forget it! And not just any church, ‘this church, this god’… don’t spend your money somewhere else or you will be buying a lemon and go to hell! And whatever you do don’t let other religions take what is yours or have control. Fear, fear, fear. Wait! Also remember, it is not just those of another faith or another god to be afraid of , it is also the ‘ spiritual but not religious’ folk. Those without religion undermine our power!
If you were wondering ….Yes, I fall into ‘Spiritual but not religious’ category, not because it is trendy or because I am lazy , it is because I am taking responsibility for my spirituality, my actions and my thoughts.
I was raised in the church (my father was a paster) I was emersed into organized religion at birth. A conflicted ‘believer’ up until I was able to break free and be born again into spirituality not a religion. I saw the good, I saw the very, very bad. It took a lot of work and meditation to find my peace. At first, it was hard to let go of the fear that was drilled into me, I identified with it. We all have a need to fill the hole left by the absence of spirituality. Especially when we experience terrible upbringings and harsh or painful life situations. Like many or shall I say most humans, my childhood was less then ideal, a painful way to start this journey. The healing process was hard and ongoing.
On a lighter note, my pain has connected me with all souls, we all experience pain and in that connection, I see we are all equal. I am reminded that I am above no one and beneath no one.
Please don’t get me wrong, if your personal spirituality is connected to your choice of religion and your choice of god, I have absolutely no negative thoughts on that. To each his own. Just don’t use your religion as an excuse to be a bad person.
What I am trying to say is that, I think it is so, so sad that we humans and our wonderful complexed minds have taken something so beautiful, so real, so amazing like spirituality and attached our selves with the complete opposite. We have turned our spirituality into ego. We all struggle with the ego and most of the time it is winning because we constantly identify with the ego and mistake its needs with our souls. As soon as you think you have no ego, it is the ego that is driving the car. The moment you judge another (including yourself) you are your ego.
I truly believe that the soul is beautiful and perfect just like the universe, like god. We are all equal here at the soul level, in the creation zone, we are all one. Your choice of religion or spirituality should be a personal, beautiful attachment to the collective being. A connection to the light, to positive energy that effects you and all things that come in contact with you. A soul doesn’t need religion to do the right thing, you need only to love.
To be love.
When you act in pure love, you are like god. And there is nothing more spiritual than that. You have a choice, Fear or love.
Okay now for the rest of the CNN article below
Are there dangers in being ‘spiritual but not religious’?
(CNN) — “I’m spiritual but not religious.” It’s a trendy phrase people often use to describe their belief that they don’t need organized religion to live a life of faith.
Photos from yesterday…. I decided to go on a couple walks and a quick sunset surf session to meditate on the present moment and allow nature to help me solve some problems… these are some of the beautiful moments I experienced. As for the answer to my problem….I just keep coming up with one word, LOVE. Sure it wont pay my bills but it sure as hell fills the world with light…… and fills my soul with joy, so in turn… love will keep me peaceful and in the quietness of peace, I find the calm. And in this calm, the answers will come.
Finding the inner calm to create an outer peace. This week I have been relearning the process of staying calm when under extreme stress and pressure. You see staying calm is all too easy when there isn’t anything trying to get under your skin. So…. I practice, I practice and practice again. Patience is something you have to work on all the time, compassion (although hard at times) brings inner happiness and excepting that things are as you see them and your perception is always your choice, creates the platform to find the calm….These things I practice …. I practice because they make me feel peaceful.
I pulled off the road the other day on my way to Camarillo to make the most of a drive and was blessed with an amazing moment. A vibrant sunset, a beautiful lively sea, dancing flowers and soaring birds. A moment in time perfectly composed. A perfect and beautiful moment in all the chaos… I will remember it for the rest of my time.
Sometimes if you look too close, you’ll loose sight of what you were looking at and you may find something else instead.
I have been doing quite a bit of soul searching about some interesting feelings I have been having. So begins the problem solving, evaluating circumstance, searching for patterns and planning my next step… Looking deep inside my mind to find a better way to attack self destructive behavior before I jump to conclusions….But all the signs are pointing me into different directions….. Maybe the brain surgery I am conducting on myself is distorting the overall picture. It seems the deeper I go, the less I see the matter at hand. Instead I see only chaos, a beautiful chaos of bubbles moving into different directions yet still contained in one space. A glass ball of chaos… The questions at hand, are still unanswered, however I feel strangely comfortable with that. I can’t forget that to my core I am deeply attracted to the mystery of the unexpected… Spontaneity! The spice of life.
The text of this blog are just my unfiltered thoughts, while I look at the photos I took at the burgundy room… Take a little ride inside my mind.
A secret peek into the way my thoughts splatter across my skull as I try to line things up and make sense of it all…
And the thoughts they evoke……………………………………………………………………………………….. Music, driving rhythm, Poison, hot bar, cold glass, money, dirty hot money, smoking, cancer, addiction, sex, skin, warm red skin, cold metal, a trip, a trip to another place, alone, watching things fall, wet streets, glossy pavement, windshield wipers, I love the sound of windshield wipers, rain falling all around me, life falling all around me, loud streets, quiet soul……..fire, burning bridges, burning friends, desire, passion, hot hot passion, kissing, lips, sucking Tongues, dancing in a cave, ritual, tattoos, ink, pain, drive, black ink, skin, being exposed, feeling pressure, constraint, release, giving in, letting go, filling up, eyes, wet eyes, heavy eyes, sleepy eyes, wondering eyes, alone inside, again…….. drinking, pain addiction, drowning of sorrow, lonely, wasting time, I hate wasting time, traveling, I want to be somewhere else just for a while, wouldn’t mind being someone else. i could be a man, do man things, have control, drive it in, grabbing, pulling, talking, commanding, authority, strong, vibrant, in control, passionately throbbing, holding, to devour, but I love being a woman, a lover, a sinner, dirty thoughts, giving into fantasy, feeling loved, feeling touched, grabbed, devoured, I want to be devoured. Long nights, red lights, long kisses, hot fights, give my heart away, watch it fly, freedom, sticky freedom, trapped inside my head, want to be exposed, voyeurism, watch me, spy on me, worship me in secret, make you hot, make you scream, adrenaline, speed, spinning around, sprinting down the path, like an animal, I am an animal, want to be free like a wild animal, want to fly, soar over the skies, watch you while you think you are alone, I know creepy right…..I am a creep, I paint red, destruction, create chaos, beautiful chaos, sin, lies, sweet words, sweet lies, intuition, I hope you know that I know already, I knew from the start, I will let you think that I don’t know, I feel everything like a curse, I always know inside, a gift but a curse, sweet taste, citrus, cold ice, cold heart, strong heart, closed gates, locked windows, you will never know, you can’t except me, pain, heavy eyes, heavy womb, regret, loss, survival, guilt, another day to go, lucky, still feel lucky, so fortunate in the ways that count, wondering, wanting, wishing, whispering, screaming, breathing, breathing fast and hard, can you hear me with out a sound, can you see me without your eyes, can you feel me without a touch, do I exist, are you sure, a free bird, loaded soul, music, I feel it in my bones, chasing away my fears, it’s not easy to stay here, devotion, love, I love, I protect, I see you, I feel the stranger on the street, I am the stranger on the street, don’t let the quiet in, shhhhhh, dance, thriving, move, watch me dance, can I tempt you, pulsation, sex, passionate sex, can you feel me, are you here with me, are you really here with me, don’t leave me, stay with me, will you hold my heart at the same time, empty, can feel so empty, alone in a crowd, alone in the bed, a ghost, I am a ghost, I have been a ghost for a long time. let the sea devour me, flow through me, control me, beat me, drown me, love me, hold me in the depths, the dark depths, secrets, secret desire, adrenaline, take me, take all of me or nothing at all, devour me or don’t try to take a taste, take it all, take me down, show me your secrets, let me feel your desire, let me be your poison, I will feed your tummy, I will feed your soul, I will feed your secret desires, take me in, love your poison, it knows you, the wind blows, the sun strikes, the piano sings, the guitar weeps, my music is my soul, my soul is music, it is the only thing that keeps it real. in a world of fake, i just want real… i want to be real, I want to be heard…. can you feel me, do you see me, I am right here… a ghost in your world.
okay enough… must go do something else
So there you have it a few moments of my unfiltered thoughts.. A window inside my skull…have a beautiful day!
i went to the sea in hopes to see.. some type of a tsunami..
i waited and waited but nothing arose.. ‘cept this silly unexpected prose..
i sat by the ocean, i stared at the sea.. as the sky fell down all beside me..
~ The Woods
Photos by Trisha Lurie
This morning on a quest for good waves, I found myself wondering around the streets and allies of Venice Beach. Armed with an ipod and a pocket camera I began shooting away…
A simple act of kindness goes a long way.
The deed: Putting someone’s laundry in the dryer and then putting your own quarters in, turning it on and walking away. Sure, I had alterer motives, like the fact that I had an early call time to be on set and part of my wardrobe had to be washed plus I wanted to get at least a little sleep. So, I dried my neighbors laundry and I put my stuff in the washer. It was super late and it didn’t look like anyone had any loads to wash after midnight so, I planned on waking up early and throwing them in the dryer during my morning rush.
The deed returned: (Complete without alterer motives)
When I went down stairs yesterday morning to throw my stuff f in the dryer… they were already dry and not only that, my neighbor threw a fabric softener sheet in the mix. I actually was a bit shocked! ” No one does nice things like that!” or at least very rarely around L.A. The whole situation made me think about us L.A. people.
We, in general, are a bunch of self saturated, can’t be bothered , sorry if you wanted to merge, but I am busy going straight forward and can’t risk you being in front of me, type of people. Rush, rush rush, mine, mine, mine… move, move, move faster or me and my ambition will run you over. It’s not my fault your lost, I’m sorry old lady but I got here first and I would totally open the door for you since you are carrying groceries, a baby and a pushing a stroller but I am on the phone with my agent and I might actually get this role! I am sure you understand, after all it is the roll of a lifetime.
We forget that this very moment IS the roll of a lifetime! Our biggest roll ever to be played is that of our own life. We are the writer, director, actor, producer, craft services, wardrobe… all of it. We are responsible for how well we act and how we react with others. Sure we can’t control the weather or the traffic or why it is so hard to find parking everywhere you go and that there are secret service trained meter maids on a mad hunt to break your bank but we can control the way we react to each situation presented to us. We have the unique opportunity at every moment to create the next scene. The one where you take the high road, do a good deed or smile at a stranger. After all we can’t forget the fact that little things can make big difference! Something as simple as drying your neighbors laundry. I know what you’re thinking …. how “pay it forward” of me, but what the hell, open a door for someone today, maybe it will invoke other random acts of kindness… maybe you wont even honk at the old man trying to park at the drug store so he can buy his medication. Who knows, maybe you might even like being nice…
On that note, have a beautiful day!
Nothing can prepare you for the abrupt feeling of loss when a loved one passes away, even when you know they will be leaving their bodies behind at any moment. Almost as if we can all live comfortably in a state of denial of the absolute as much as the child, that has learned truth about Santa, still refuses to give into the reality for as long as possible.
My neighbor passed away in the apartment next to mine last night in her favorite chair, wearing her favorite night gown with everything she needed around her at arms reach. A small oval framed black&white photo of her deceased husband, a calendar book of lunch dates and hair appointments and a cozy blue blanket wrapped around her like a cocoon. She sat in such silence, her face so calm like she was only sleeping and could at any moment wake up and wonder why I was staring at her. A peaceful state too hard to put into words like the quiet sun sinking into a calm sea. The feeling suffocated the room.
I really wanted to reach out to her grieving niece who had come over for their sunday lunch, only to find her aunts lifeless body. I wanted comfort her loss but, felt helpless. So, we stood there and talked, she cried and I rubbed her back while searching my brain for the right thing to say. What could I possibly say that would make her feel better? There is no feeling better, there is no way to fill the hole at this very moment. As the shock was still making its way back into our conversation, ” But wait! we were supposed to eat lunch!” Followed with ” She looks so peaceful, this is the way she would have wanted it”. I was feeling quite new to the skill of comforting the loved ones left behind. I found myself scrambling for the right response. The best thing I could think to say that this was much harder on her then it was for her Aunt and tried to remind her that energy never dies, that her Aunt is still here and not “gone” at all. But, I don’t know her beliefs in the “After Life” and I wouldn’t want to offend her belief system.
We all deal with the fear of death differently.
Mortality, a sticky piece of gum at the bottom of your shoe. You can pretend it is not there but every time you lift your foot, you cant help but feel it get stuck to the ground, it’s saying ,”Hey, I am still here”.
So, we die, we all die. Some feel before their time, some feel the time has come.
Here I am, sitting at my desk, eating animal cookies and drinking grapefruit juice while I visit thoughts of my own mortality and the life I have still pumping through my veins. I am alive. No one knows for how long but, at this very moment I am alive on planet earth, writing with my fingers while wearing this human body and calling myself Trisha. I try not to worry about when I my body will give way, I have not the time to waste on empty fear.
Life…..No matter how long, feels too short.
Reminding me that every morning is another beautiful treasure. A new day I wake into, a new chance to make a difference, a new day to share my love and a new way to love my life. You don’t find life in a journey, the journey is life. Which reminds me of one of my favorite quotes.
“The beauty of life is, while we cannot undo what is done,
we can see it, understand it, learn from it and change.
So that every new moment is spent not in regret, guilt, fear or anger,
But in wisdom, understanding and love.”
Wow, I got all spiritual on you… I guess death has its way of doing that.
I hope you have a beautiful sunday! And smile!!! You are alive 🙂
Some days I enjoy the solitude, I can feel the lonely quiet house all around me. These feelings only last a day or so and in their defense I quite enjoy them. Gloomy days are best spent working on songs, writing, re-writing and re-writing again and again. It seems as if the overcast skies help to keep my thoughts inside where I can dissect them and try to pull out a story worth telling. Days like these, my coffee continuously gets cold before I finish a cup while I scribble around my brain. I should get a thermos.
But, today I am wondering…..Where did my sunshine go and who is this hitch hiker I don’t recall picking up by the name of self doubt? I have something to tell you, get out! I have no time for you. In a world full of confusion and fears, I must retain the right to fight self doubt, as others will quickly stand in line to knock you down if you are left unguarded, Vampires.
I must give in and welcome this somber day with open arms. Turn within and clean the closets. The subconscious hang ups and useless heavy ideas that linger there. A brain bath….. I should go do some yoga, yes I will start with that!
Secretly, I hope it stays sunless all day, memories are well kept in grey skies.
Maybe I will write a few letters that I never intend on sending…. It is a good day for that.
1. I love with all my heart, almost to a fault, but refuse to stop, no matter how much that can hurt.
2. Love being warm
3. Eating pretzels right now
4. I am part Cherokee
5. Want to live in Spain for a year one day and learn how to speak perfect Spanish
6. Think that traveling is the greatest form of learning and growing
7. Love to speed and never get tickets 😉 knock on wood!
8. Feel bad about speeding and slow down…
9. Want to make music the rest of my life
10. Feel music in every inch of my soul and couldn’t live with out it.
11. When I love, it is as deep as the sea.
12. Believe that the deepest level of love comes from pure unconditional love
13. Love being a mommy
14. Will give everything I can to those I love
15. Have a thing for crows
16. If I have another child want to name him or her Raven 🙂
16. Hate cardboard and the feeling of newspaper
17. I love the sound of windshield whippers
18. Prefer to write when it is raining
19. Think that plastic bags should be illegal
20. Believe in true love and believe I will find mine!
21. Think a picnic is the most romantic thing ever…
22. I love Yerba Matte
23. Still don’t like to say “Tall” or “Grande” for a coffee and completely addicted
24. Believe that we can turn our environmentally destructive ways around
25. Love long baths
26. Love a good massage even more
27. Will never have enough shoes
28. Love antiques
29. Love sand in between my toes
30. Lived on Oahu for a couple years
31. Miss it a lot
32. Want to have a home in Costa Rica with a recording studio
33. Want to live 1/2 the year there
34. Love camping
35. Love to meditate
36. Believe in the law of attraction
37. Super confident about who I am
38. Love odd numbers
39. Have a thing for yellow roses
40. and the smell of Gardenias
41. love to research
42. Have the coolest Family…. ever
43. I like dark chocolate with chilies in it
44. Love chewy brownies
45. Love Sushi! love love love it
46. Wish more people smiled
47. Need a tan right now
48. Love the show Dexter and true blood
49. I am a little psychic, maybe a lot.
50. Believe that all things have energy and a frequency
51. Wanted to be a weather reporter when I was little
52. Wish that I was surfing right now
53. Feel like a fish in the water
54. love learning something new ever day
55. LOVE Christmas… love it
56. Love cooking and baking
57. hate doing dishes
58. But love having a clean happy home
59. Love my friends… feel really lucky to have them
60. Favorite color is black
61. Like green too
62. Like the idea of soul mates
63. Want to get married one day
64. Think I deserve the best and wont settle
65. Want to teach my son that he deserves the best
66. Think that being a mother is the most important thing I do.
67. Hope I am doing a good job
68. believe my dreams will come true
69. Even the giant ones…
70. love the way seagulls cry
72. Love the sound of ships on a foggy morning
73. Think catching a wave is a beautiful gift from the sea
74. Want to do my part to protect our oceans
75. Want to protect the environment for our children
76. Believe there is no punishment great enough for those who hurt children
77. Would die for my son
78. feel like the luckiest mom on earth
79. Talk to much
80. Still get butterflies like a little girl when I am excited
81. Think I can live to 150 yrs. old
82. Might be an alien
83. Hate racism
84. Believe all men, women and children are equal no matter what race, sexual preference, age and amount of material objects they have collected or money they slave to.
85. Can have a food orgasm and a music orgasm… not kidding
86. Love all orgasms
87. Want to learn how to hang glide
88. Love to paint
89. Should paint more
90. Wish I didn’t have to sleep
91. Have a hard time falling a sleep because I have so much I want to do.
92. Love the feeling of sleeping once I give in 🙂
93. Still believe in Fairy Tales…
94. Super Sexual
95. Think making love is so beautiful and special.
96. Feel beautiful when I wake up, know my beauty has Nothing to do with the way I look.
97. Feel lucky and happy for every day
98. Only want to surround my self with people who feel the same way
99. Happy that I am who I am… no matter the hardships it took to make me who I am.
100. Still learning how to forgive.
This is my first of many post to come… looking forward to having a fun time blogging and getting my thoughts out in the universe…