Photos from yesterday…. I decided to go on a couple walks and a quick sunset surf session to meditate on the present moment and allow nature to help me solve some problems… these are some of the beautiful moments I experienced. As for the answer to my problem….I just keep coming up with one word, LOVE. Sure it wont pay my bills but it sure as hell fills the world with light…… and fills my soul with joy, so in turn… love will keep me peaceful and in the quietness of peace, I find the calm. And in this calm, the answers will come.
Finding the inner calm to create an outer peace. This week I have been relearning the process of staying calm when under extreme stress and pressure. You see staying calm is all too easy when there isn’t anything trying to get under your skin. So…. I practice, I practice and practice again. Patience is something you have to work on all the time, compassion (although hard at times) brings inner happiness and excepting that things are as you see them and your perception is always your choice, creates the platform to find the calm….These things I practice …. I practice because they make me feel peaceful.
I pulled off the road the other day on my way to Camarillo to make the most of a drive and was blessed with an amazing moment. A vibrant sunset, a beautiful lively sea, dancing flowers and soaring birds. A moment in time perfectly composed. A perfect and beautiful moment in all the chaos… I will remember it for the rest of my time.
Sometimes if you look too close, you’ll loose sight of what you were looking at and you may find something else instead.
I have been doing quite a bit of soul searching about some interesting feelings I have been having. So begins the problem solving, evaluating circumstance, searching for patterns and planning my next step… Looking deep inside my mind to find a better way to attack self destructive behavior before I jump to conclusions….But all the signs are pointing me into different directions….. Maybe the brain surgery I am conducting on myself is distorting the overall picture. It seems the deeper I go, the less I see the matter at hand. Instead I see only chaos, a beautiful chaos of bubbles moving into different directions yet still contained in one space. A glass ball of chaos… The questions at hand, are still unanswered, however I feel strangely comfortable with that. I can’t forget that to my core I am deeply attracted to the mystery of the unexpected… Spontaneity! The spice of life.
The text of this blog are just my unfiltered thoughts, while I look at the photos I took at the burgundy room… Take a little ride inside my mind.
A secret peek into the way my thoughts splatter across my skull as I try to line things up and make sense of it all…
And the thoughts they evoke……………………………………………………………………………………….. Music, driving rhythm, Poison, hot bar, cold glass, money, dirty hot money, smoking, cancer, addiction, sex, skin, warm red skin, cold metal, a trip, a trip to another place, alone, watching things fall, wet streets, glossy pavement, windshield wipers, I love the sound of windshield wipers, rain falling all around me, life falling all around me, loud streets, quiet soul……..fire, burning bridges, burning friends, desire, passion, hot hot passion, kissing, lips, sucking Tongues, dancing in a cave, ritual, tattoos, ink, pain, drive, black ink, skin, being exposed, feeling pressure, constraint, release, giving in, letting go, filling up, eyes, wet eyes, heavy eyes, sleepy eyes, wondering eyes, alone inside, again…….. drinking, pain addiction, drowning of sorrow, lonely, wasting time, I hate wasting time, traveling, I want to be somewhere else just for a while, wouldn’t mind being someone else. i could be a man, do man things, have control, drive it in, grabbing, pulling, talking, commanding, authority, strong, vibrant, in control, passionately throbbing, holding, to devour, but I love being a woman, a lover, a sinner, dirty thoughts, giving into fantasy, feeling loved, feeling touched, grabbed, devoured, I want to be devoured. Long nights, red lights, long kisses, hot fights, give my heart away, watch it fly, freedom, sticky freedom, trapped inside my head, want to be exposed, voyeurism, watch me, spy on me, worship me in secret, make you hot, make you scream, adrenaline, speed, spinning around, sprinting down the path, like an animal, I am an animal, want to be free like a wild animal, want to fly, soar over the skies, watch you while you think you are alone, I know creepy right…..I am a creep, I paint red, destruction, create chaos, beautiful chaos, sin, lies, sweet words, sweet lies, intuition, I hope you know that I know already, I knew from the start, I will let you think that I don’t know, I feel everything like a curse, I always know inside, a gift but a curse, sweet taste, citrus, cold ice, cold heart, strong heart, closed gates, locked windows, you will never know, you can’t except me, pain, heavy eyes, heavy womb, regret, loss, survival, guilt, another day to go, lucky, still feel lucky, so fortunate in the ways that count, wondering, wanting, wishing, whispering, screaming, breathing, breathing fast and hard, can you hear me with out a sound, can you see me without your eyes, can you feel me without a touch, do I exist, are you sure, a free bird, loaded soul, music, I feel it in my bones, chasing away my fears, it’s not easy to stay here, devotion, love, I love, I protect, I see you, I feel the stranger on the street, I am the stranger on the street, don’t let the quiet in, shhhhhh, dance, thriving, move, watch me dance, can I tempt you, pulsation, sex, passionate sex, can you feel me, are you here with me, are you really here with me, don’t leave me, stay with me, will you hold my heart at the same time, empty, can feel so empty, alone in a crowd, alone in the bed, a ghost, I am a ghost, I have been a ghost for a long time. let the sea devour me, flow through me, control me, beat me, drown me, love me, hold me in the depths, the dark depths, secrets, secret desire, adrenaline, take me, take all of me or nothing at all, devour me or don’t try to take a taste, take it all, take me down, show me your secrets, let me feel your desire, let me be your poison, I will feed your tummy, I will feed your soul, I will feed your secret desires, take me in, love your poison, it knows you, the wind blows, the sun strikes, the piano sings, the guitar weeps, my music is my soul, my soul is music, it is the only thing that keeps it real. in a world of fake, i just want real… i want to be real, I want to be heard…. can you feel me, do you see me, I am right here… a ghost in your world.
okay enough… must go do something else
So there you have it a few moments of my unfiltered thoughts.. A window inside my skull…have a beautiful day!
i went to the sea in hopes to see.. some type of a tsunami..
i waited and waited but nothing arose.. ‘cept this silly unexpected prose..
i sat by the ocean, i stared at the sea.. as the sky fell down all beside me..
~ The Woods
Photos by Trisha Lurie
This morning on a quest for good waves, I found myself wondering around the streets and allies of Venice Beach. Armed with an ipod and a pocket camera I began shooting away…
A simple act of kindness goes a long way.
The deed: Putting someone’s laundry in the dryer and then putting your own quarters in, turning it on and walking away. Sure, I had alterer motives, like the fact that I had an early call time to be on set and part of my wardrobe had to be washed plus I wanted to get at least a little sleep. So, I dried my neighbors laundry and I put my stuff in the washer. It was super late and it didn’t look like anyone had any loads to wash after midnight so, I planned on waking up early and throwing them in the dryer during my morning rush.
The deed returned: (Complete without alterer motives)
When I went down stairs yesterday morning to throw my stuff f in the dryer… they were already dry and not only that, my neighbor threw a fabric softener sheet in the mix. I actually was a bit shocked! ” No one does nice things like that!” or at least very rarely around L.A. The whole situation made me think about us L.A. people.
We, in general, are a bunch of self saturated, can’t be bothered , sorry if you wanted to merge, but I am busy going straight forward and can’t risk you being in front of me, type of people. Rush, rush rush, mine, mine, mine… move, move, move faster or me and my ambition will run you over. It’s not my fault your lost, I’m sorry old lady but I got here first and I would totally open the door for you since you are carrying groceries, a baby and a pushing a stroller but I am on the phone with my agent and I might actually get this role! I am sure you understand, after all it is the roll of a lifetime.
We forget that this very moment IS the roll of a lifetime! Our biggest roll ever to be played is that of our own life. We are the writer, director, actor, producer, craft services, wardrobe… all of it. We are responsible for how well we act and how we react with others. Sure we can’t control the weather or the traffic or why it is so hard to find parking everywhere you go and that there are secret service trained meter maids on a mad hunt to break your bank but we can control the way we react to each situation presented to us. We have the unique opportunity at every moment to create the next scene. The one where you take the high road, do a good deed or smile at a stranger. After all we can’t forget the fact that little things can make big difference! Something as simple as drying your neighbors laundry. I know what you’re thinking …. how “pay it forward” of me, but what the hell, open a door for someone today, maybe it will invoke other random acts of kindness… maybe you wont even honk at the old man trying to park at the drug store so he can buy his medication. Who knows, maybe you might even like being nice…
On that note, have a beautiful day!